This is the session agreement — also called the framework or ethics — for all tantra massage and yoni massage sessions with Thomas Dehn. It applies unless something different has been explicitly agreed upon. The agreement is binding once the session is underway, but can be adjusted by you before we begin. Questions or requests can be sent to thomas@tantrathomas.dk.
Four core principles
These four principles carry everything else. All the specifics below unfold from here.
No is a complete sentence
A no never requires an explanation, apology or justification. In any moment of doubt, a no is assumed until a clear yes is received.
Your body is entirely yours
Nothing continues if it doesn't feel right in the moment. Both parties have full autonomy over their own body at all times.
You don't need to perform
You are there solely to receive. There is no expectation to give back, perform or respond in any particular way.
Everything within the frame is welcome
All feelings, energies and states — sexual or otherwise — are fully welcome within the agreed framework.
On Giver and Receiver
In a tantra massage, participants are referred to as Giver and Receiver. This makes roles completely clear — and protects you. The framework is inspired by the Wheel of Consent, developed by Betty Martin.
The Giver — that's me — is in the session solely to give. My own needs, desires and pleasure are never introduced as part of the session.
The Receiver — that's you — is there solely to receive. You are not expected to give back or perform. It is, however, your responsibility to express what might improve your experience — and to speak up if something doesn't feel right.
Professional exchange
A tantra massage is a professional exchange. Romantic or sexual approaches without clear context will not be responded to. Any desire for a personal relationship must be stated explicitly.
Client relationship
When you book, pay for and receive a professional tantra massage, you are in all respects a client. This means the relationship is subject to a practitioner/client framework for a minimum of 6 months after the last session — for the protection of both parties.
Not a substitute for therapy
Tantra massage is not a substitute for psychological therapy or medical treatment. It is a holistic, spiritually oriented journey of self-development, which can in many cases open things that may be worked with further in therapy.
The agreement can be adjusted by you before the session begins. Once the session is underway, it is binding.
Boundaries are respected — both ways
All expressed boundaries and agreements are respected at all times, verbal and non-verbal. A precautionary principle always applies — in any moment of doubt, a no is assumed until a clear yes is received.
Nothing is required
Regardless of what was agreed before the session, nothing is ever required that doesn't feel right in the moment. Both parties have full autonomy over their own body, and the right and responsibility to say no.
All feelings are welcome
Expression of and presence in all feelings, states and energies — sexual or otherwise — is fully welcome within the framework. This means that touching, grabbing or stimulating the Giver with the aim of arousing them is not allowed. Exceptions exist with consent if the Receiver asks — such as a hug, holding hands and similar.
Orgasm is not a goal
Stimulation with the aim of achieving orgasm does not take place unless explicitly agreed — for example in the case of de-armouring or orgasm-oriented sessions. Orgasms that arise naturally as part of the massage are, of course, fully welcome.
The Giver's body
The Giver's genitals never come into contact with the Receiver's genitals and are not part of the session. The Giver may experience arousal — this has no significance for the session and is simply an indication of energy.
Clothing
The Giver works in underwear. The Receiver chooses how much clothing to wear. The most effective session usually takes place when the Receiver is undressed — a sarong is used to cover the Receiver during the massage.
Your active participation
Despite the Giver being constantly present and attentive, the Receiver has a responsibility to express if something feels wrong, needs to be changed, or adjusted during the session. Your experience improves significantly when you take an active part — though this is never a requirement.
Time
The session runs for an agreed length of time, with 15 minutes before and after for conversation and landing. The space is booked within that window — there isn't room for a longer conversation immediately after, but there is ample opportunity to be in touch with the Giver afterwards.
Confidentiality
There is a principle of confidentiality between Giver and Receiver. The Giver may only share content from the session in ways that cannot in any way identify or point back to the Receiver. The Receiver is free to share anything about the session, unless otherwise agreed.
Follow-up
Follow-up emails are sent after the session to maintain contact — but it is the Receiver's responsibility to reach out if there is a need to talk something through. All kinds of feelings can arise, including feelings toward the Giver, when working this intimately. The Giver is available to talk things through for a limited period after the session.
Feedback
Constructive criticism and feedback are always welcome. If it doesn't feel safe to give feedback directly, you are welcome to contact Lisa Lawrie or Kate Aura.
Double consent
Before yoni massage begins, you will always be asked — regardless of what was agreed before the session — whether you still wish to proceed. Only a full, embodied yes is accepted. In any moment of doubt or a no, the time is used elsewhere.
A no closes the possibility
If a no has been expressed at any point before or during the session, yoni massage will not be offered or asked about again in that session. If you wish to explore yoni massage, a new session is booked.
Not a sexual service
Yoni massage is not a sexual service. While orgasms can sometimes arise naturally, stimulation toward orgasm does not take place unless explicitly agreed upon.
The invitation principle
Yoni massage is non-penetrative and works on an invitation principle. This means the internal part may not take place if, for any reason, the yoni does not feel ready. This is a matter of sensitivity and happens out of respect for the Receiver.
Touch
All genital touch — external and internal — takes place only with fingers or a pre-agreed tool, such as a de-armouring wand, yoni egg, tuning fork or similar.
Communication during
There may be more conversation during this part of the session. The Giver may insist on ongoing verbal contact to avoid dissociation.
Write to thomas@tantrathomas.dk — no question is too big or too strange. You can also book a free call and go through the agreement verbally before booking.
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